OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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