i would punch a child for taco bell
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i out mim tonsoeep
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