I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
