Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
