He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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