I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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