i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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