Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
