Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
