I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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