I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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