We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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