Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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