My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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