Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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