I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
