Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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