im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
