Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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