Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
