i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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