Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All the doctor said was why
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
