Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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