Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Please don't give away my fajitas
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
