the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
