Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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