We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
