What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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