no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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