Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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