ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
