I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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