were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
