Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
