just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
