But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
