I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
