if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
