No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize