Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
