Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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