you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
