Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
