All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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