For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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