then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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