My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You were trust falling into bushes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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