Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
