matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
