That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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