seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
