she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
