break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
