So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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