Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
