i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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