tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
