I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
