If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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