dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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