I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
