So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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