About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
