i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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