Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
