At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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