So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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