Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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