She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
