I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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