Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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