:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
