did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize