My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You are a genius and a whore.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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