***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
