i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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