break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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