My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
