They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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