And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
