No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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