I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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