i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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