i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
